howls from the desert barguest

Yay! Finally Order of the Phoenix came out on DVD! I've been waiting for this. I was kind of low on money, but I wasn't about to wait for my Harry Potter. So I took some video games and movies that I don't really like or play anymore and took them up to Gamestop to trade them in for cash. I only got like 18 dollars for all them, but it was enough to help me afford my OOTP DVD. I went to Target at about 8 PM last night as I was already out and was hoping maybe they'd already have the Harry Potter DVDs out, or could at least unpack one for me since it was only a few hours until midnight anyway. It was crowded! Especially the electronics department. I looked around, but didn't see any OOTP DVDs out yet. They had it out for PC-DVD, but not the regular DVD, so I decided to ask. They had just this one guy working the counter, which was ridiculous given how packed it was. I swear, people can be so god damn rude. There was this couple that apparently thought they where too important to stand in line and wait their turn for help, so they basically jumped in in front of me. Then the guy working the counter leaves for a minute to show the lady he was helping something, and this couple follows him so they can get their question about some stupid electronic thing answered before anyone else. I couldn't help but roll my eyes and mutter "Idiots" loudly at their retreating backs. This is the kind of behavior one might see in retarded preschoolers, not full grown men and women. What the hell is wrong with people? Why do adults suddenly start behaving like autistic toddlers when holiday shopping? Morons. And then when the guy comes back and it's my turn, he doesn't seem to have a clue what I'm talking about when I ask him about the OOTP DVD. He didn't seem to know there where any Harry Potter movies. Even though there where OOTP posters all over the place in the electronics department. He said something like "Well, we have the books. You'd think we'd have the DVDs too, but I don't see any." I was like "Nevermind."

So, I went to Walmart several hours later and got my OOTP extended edition DVD. Last time, when I went to Walmart for GOF at midnight, they hadn't unpacked the extended editions yet. So I waited till about 3 this time. Luckily, no problems this time, they where all on the shelves. I saw one of the DVDs was packaged with some kind of a wand thing, but I'm not sure if it was the EE. But the one I got came with a nice holographic slip cover, so that was cool. It's kind of like the GOF one. I haven't watched the 2nd DVD yet, but I heard that the extra features where crappy. A lot of people are disappointed that there where so few extra scenes on it. I'm going to be pissed if there's no extra Snape in those deleted scenes. Especially with all Snape they left out of the movie. How the hell they could cut out the part with Lily Potter is beyond me, especially as important as that turned out to be. I hope they feel stupid. *grunt* They seem determined to ignore how important a character Snape was to the story. They can only focus on the theme of "kids growing up" for so many movies.

I got a good deal on some frozen dinners the other day. The Banquet frozen dinners are pretty good, and they where selling them for $1.00 each! I don't usually like frozen stuff, but these aren't bad. I got one of the fried chicken ones, and I was shocked at how good it turned out. The chicken was nice and crispy, not soggy like I expected it to be. Of course, I cook them in the conventional oven, they turn out better. I don't like to use the microwave for stuff like that, it makes things soggy. *blech*

I'm also quiet happy that the Wajas site is starting to come back up after being revamped. I've been waiting forever for the coding to be finished so I could breed my wajas and stuff. The breeding script is working again, images are coming back up, and shops are back. They also finally have a simple waja search working now. I sold several wajas that I bred back before the downtime, and bought a few as well. So I'm happy about that. I'm just waiting for items to be working again so I can use pears and stuff.

I'm coming up on "that time of the month" again. Everything is going wild, ugh. Teeth are starting to constantly ache and throb again, belly button has turned black & blue and is starting to bleed, joints are swelling up more than usual, and the usual pains are increasing in severity. Seriously, isn't it enough that I have to be in pain every day without it getting worse like this every month? *grumble* I know it could be worse though. I'm lucky that I have such a great pain doctor and a good pain med regimen. It's just harder to deal with everything when something new enters the mix. I'm going to try to get over to St. Elizabeth's of Hungary tommorow, I don't how long my body will be able to fight off the infection in my jaw for. I just hope they'll be able to do something about it. I now can't eat with the left side of my mouth either, and have lost a lot of my appetite in general. This is not helping, as I have a hard time keeping my potassium level normal as it is. I'm starting to notice the effects of it dropping lower, dizziness/light headedness, shaking, fatigue, and increased heartrate. Blaaah. I just took some potassium pills I found though, so hopefully this will start to go away.

These horrid neighbors are going to drive me bonkers, I swear. They got into this huge fight yesterday, involving the lady's mother as well. They where out there screaming at each other for like 30 minutes. Finally, the office manager must have gotten complaints or something because she came over and basically told them to knock it off. The night before, that wife-beater bastard husband of hers was over there banging on the door, yelling to be let in as she had apparently locked him out and was refusing to let him in. This went on for more than half an hour before the moron gave up and finally left. I really hope those kids will be taken away from them. If I had my way, she would be required to have her tubes tied, and he would have to have a vasectomy. These people DO NOT need to be procreating. Ugh. Last week, a cop knocked on my door. At first, I was like "oh shit!", then I found out that he was looking for the lady next door. Why, I don't know, but I was hoping the both of them would be arrested for something. No such luck. Oh, and fucker stole the chair off my porch! It wasn't anything expensive, just a cheap plastic chair so I could go out there and sit, have a smoke and relax. Sometimes I have to sit in it to rest after coming up the stairs because my legs get all weak. Who the hell steals a five dollar chair? I swear, some people are pathetic.

So, I was er....window shopping in a local "adult" novelty store earlier. After looking at all the various sex toys, I noticed a very strange trend. Why do all these vibrators and dildos have animal themes? Why are so many of them shaped like animals? I saw sex toys shaped like rabbits, dolphins, butterflys, bears, seahorses, etc. Why shape them like members of the animal kingdom? I mean, one could just as easily have non-descript nobs, ridges, points, etc. Does the idea of sticking animals where they don't belong excite people? I don't believe I have ever in my life said "I'd like to put a rabbit in my vagina please!" Nope. I don't recall ever saying that.

I am craving chili dogs right now. I really, really want a chili dog for some reason. Problem is, I can't think of anywhere around here that serves chili dogs at 3:45 AM. Weinerschnitzel is closed. I want a chili dog, without cheese of course. *drool*

Well, I ran out to Jack-in-the-Box a while ago for a couple tacos for me (I love their tacos!) and a chicken sandwhich for my dog (he loves them). When I got home the two of us where sitting on the couch getting ready to eat, I was petting him around his neck and felt something sticky. I was horrified to find blood on my hand, it was coming from the front of his neck. I immediatly took his harness off and got some gauze and hydrogen pyroxide. After cleaning the blood away from his neck, I was relieved to find only a minor abraision. I'm not sure how he got it, it could be from scratching himself because even though I keep his nails trimmed and filed, they're still pretty big and sharp. I just hope it isn't from his harness. He wears this harness that goes around his neck and midsection, and joins at the back where there's a plastic handle type thing and a ring for connecting it to a leash/seatbelt. I often use him to help keep my balance when sitting down and standing/sitting up, so the harness helps me keep a grip on him while he braces me. The harness doesn't seem to be too small for him or anything, I always check that kind of stuff to make sure I can easily slip my fingers underneath it. I'd feel horrible if that was how he got that scratch on his neck. It doesn't seem to be hurting him, he didn't react when I was cleaning it. It scared me, as it seemed to be a lot of blood for such a barely visible scratch. I'm leaving it open to the air rather than bandage it, I'll have to keep an eye on it to make sure it doesn't show any signs of infection, but it should heal quickly. I'm going to get him a new harness anyway as the old one is looking pretty worn. I'm just happy it didn't turn out to be anything serious. *phew*

So, I was talking with an old coworker today, and the subject of strange experiences came up. I was reminded of an incident that happened to me several years ago when I was working as a security guard. There was this one post up on the northwestern part of town, it was a large community of condos/townhomes. It was a really nice complex, with tons of trees and bushes, and rent there must have been pretty damn expensive. It was also one of the easiest security posts, because all we had to do was sit in this tiny little shack at the entrance at night and wave at the vehicles that drove in. That's all. There was a large building straight ahead and a short drive from the entrance that housed the rental office, pool area, gym, and a sort of community center that was used for parties and whatnot that could be rented out by people in the complex. It was in this community center that this incident happened in. We had the keys to this community center, it had a little kitchen area, a dining hall with tables/chairs/couches/etc., and bathrooms, so that was where we went when we needed to use the bathroom. The pool was right next to it, and the side of the building facing the pool had several large glass patio type doors that could be opened to allow people to come and go from the pool area. I had always gotten funny feelings whenever I went into this building to use the bathroom, had heard strange noises/whispering while in there, and one time thought I saw movement in the dining area but couldn't find anything that would be causing these things, thorough searches of the building turned up nothing. On this particular night, I kept having a strong sensation of being watched from behind. The back of the little security shack I was in was just a glass sliding door, and you could look out of it and see the community center building/pool area just a bit down the street. I put down the feelings of being watched to just the darkness and my imagination. So, anyway, I had to pee really bad a few hours after starting the post, so I took the keys, locked the shack, and started walking toward the building. As I was walking, one of the other guards pulled up and said he'd join me going into the building as he was looking for a paper shopping bag and the kitchen area usually had some. Let me just say that this guy was large, muscular, and usually quite fearless. So, I unlock the front doors to the building, walked in and flicked on the light in the entry way. We talked for a minute about this and that, and then he went into the kitchen to look in the cupboards for a bag while I proceeded down the adjacent hallway that led to the bathrooms. I had only taken a few steps down this hall when I suddenly noticed an area of black that seemed to be blocking the hallway (that's the best way I can describe it). It was like a pitch black wall had been erected in the middle of the hall, I couldn't see anything through it, it appeared to stretch from wall to wall, and ceiling to floor. I found this odd. I stood there, blinking my eyes, and shook my head a couple times thinking I was just seeing things. It was still there. I recall thinking that this doesn't make sense, there was enough light coming from the light in the entry way/kitchen, and moonlight streaming through the many glass doors in the dining area that I should have been able to see down the whole hall. I could hear my coworker rustling around in the kitchen behind me, so it wasn't him standing there in front of me. Growing even more curious, I raised my arm, stretching out my hand toward the inky blackness in front of me, trying to feel if there was an object in the way. This was a mistake. There seemed to be motion in the black area. Suddenly, a sound emanated from the spot in front of me. It started as an eerie gurgling, like a person or animal with fluid in their throat trying to make a sound. This gurgling rapidly grew louder, and rose in intensity until it became a spine chilling moaning sound. The moaning sound continued for what must have been 10 seconds or so, than became deeper until it turned into a loud, frightening, and menacing growl. The sound seemed to fill the whole room, it rattled inside my chest, caused my hair to stand on end, sent chills down my spine, and I broke out in a cold sweat. I felt paralysed with fear, like I was glued to the spot. It didn't sound like it was coming from human vocal chords, nor did it seem to be coming from any animal that I've ever heard of. The growling died away, leaving a ringing silence in it's wake. It took about 2 or 3 seconds for me to snap out of the state I was in, I'm ashamed to say I was terrified. I turned and ran for the door as fast as my shaking legs could carry me, I needn't bother asking my coworker wether or not he'd heard it. He had. He was at the door, fumbling with the lock and handle before I reached it. He flung open the door, nearly ripping it off it's hinges, and the two of us sprinted through it and ran from the building, not slowing down until we where both standing just outside the entrance near the street. It took a while for us to catch our breath and calm down enough to talk about what had just happened. We compared notes. He had been looking through the cupboards and had noticed me standing in the hall. He wondered why I was just standing there, and had looked up to see me stretching my hand out towards the "thing", and had heard the horrifying sound. Than he told me something that really disturbed me. I hadn't seen anything in the black area, no discernable shapes or anything. He had. Probably because he was standing a bit further back away from it, or maybe because he was a lot taller than me. But, he went on to tell me that as he looked up when I was raising my hand in front of me, he noticed movement and a sort of shape in the black area. He said that he could make out the shape of a head up toward the ceiling, which would have made this "thing" about 7 1/2 to 8 feet tall. Worse than that, was that he said there seemed to be two large protrubences coming out of the top of the head. I hesitate to say "horns" but that's kind of what he described. Now, I don't believe in hell, devils, demons, or anything like that, but that gave me the creeps something fierce. All in all, it was a terrifying experience. My coworker was so shaken he refused to speak about it ever again, and never returned to that post. I had, on other posts, had encounters with ghosts/spirits, but this was the first time I had ever felt truly frightened by one. It was a good two weeks before I could go back inside the community center building. When I did, I stopped in the entryway and loudly addressed whoever or whatever was there. I told it that I was just a security guard coming in to use the bathroom, that I would only be there a couple minutes, and could it please not scare the shit out of me again. This seemed to work, as I had no more trouble with the entity. There was one incident a few weeks later where I was returning from the bathroom and discovered that the keys to the post where missing. I was freaking out, searching my pockets, looking on the counter tops, in the drawers, looking around the floor, everywhere. Suddenly, I heard a "chink" sound in the dining room area. I walked in there, and sitting neatly on one of the tables where the keys. I hadn't even been in the dining area at all, so I couldn't have possibly left the keys in there. I picked up the keys, said "Thank you" out loud, and left. It just goes to show you, even evil, demonic-looking entities with horns can be nice guys.

Well, things are looking up. I was able to find a low cost dental clinic that might take me as a patient. It's a clinic for people like me who don't have insurance or the money to pay for health or dental care, they're called St. Elizabeth's of Hungary. I remember my boss suggesting them to me when I worked as a security guard for him, as this was when I first developed bechet's syndrome and I was trying to find someone to look at the huge ulcers I kept getting in my mouth, but I didn't have a lot of money. He said he'd gone to St. Elizabeth's for a lump in his neck or something, and that they'd helped him a lot. I called them up, and the lady told me they weren't accepting new patients unless it was an emergency, but when I described my dental problems and the pain they where causing, she said that constituted an emergency and that I should come in and register. So, I'm going to do that in the next couple of days, I just need to bring my driver's liscense and a utility bill (though I may have to have TEP fax an electric bill to them as I usually shred them after they're paid). So, I'm happy about that. I just hope they can fix my broken teeth with crowns or something instead of just extracting them, or at least replace them with dentures/false teeth.

I also have an appointment at a family planning clinic for a pelvic exam/pap. I'm way overdue for one, I've been avoiding it for so long as it's always excruciating. I had a doctor that I had been seeing for years, my pain doctor was the one who referred me to him as they where "golfing buddies", and my pain doc had been talking to him about my unusual case. This doctor was a GYN oncologist, so he normally dealt with cancer patients, but he was intrigued by my case so he decided to take me as a patient. I saw him for several years, and he did several surgeries on me. The last surgery he did was the one that left me unable to urinate on my own, and I had to wear a catheter for a couple weeks until he took me back into the operating room and put a subrapubic catheter in through my belly. I had that in for about a year, until I took it out myself because I had started to be able to pee on my own most of the time, and the constant infections from the catheter where making me sick. I had avoided going back to see him because he had suddenly started treating me different when it was discovered that I had developed a bladder problem from the surgery he did. He started having his wife (who is also a GYN oncologist, she had recently joined his practice) deal with me instead of him, which upset me a lot for a few reasons. For one thing, when I first started seeing him, I had already been to so many different doctors for my gyn problems I couldn't count them, but it took it's toll on me emotionally as I was just so tired of having to go through horrible painful exams as well as having to retell my medical history over and over to each doc. I was also tired of being passed around from gyn to gyn like a joint at a Doobie Brothers concert, I couldn't take it anymore. So, this doctor had promised me that he would never do that to me, that he himself would be in charge of all my exams/treatments/etc., which he did for years up until the screwed up surgery. The other thing that bothered me was that his wife had a tendency to be rather unecessarily rough during exams. I mean, she was a nice women and everything, but she was not nearly as careful and gental with me as her husband was, so I always left appointments in a lot more pain than I normally did. Sometimes, he would come in after his wife had done everything, but only briefly, and he would usually be rather short and snappy with me, which he'd never been before. I felt a little betrayed by him to be honest, I was kind of angry that he'd gone back on his promise. I know he must have felt guilty, and probably worried that I would try to sue him, but I had no such intent, I just wanted help with the bladder problem (although my pain doc had suggested I consult with a lawyer about the matter as he felt this doctor had been too aggressive during surgery. My pain doc was pretty upset that I had developed a whole new problem.) I had this horrible dilema of not wanting to see this doctor's wife, but not knowing how to tell him without offending either of them. While they are professionals, they're still people, and I think it'd be almost impossible to avoid hurt feelings if I talked to him about it. I had talked to my pain doc about this, and he told me I should just tell the gyn doc about all this, but I could bring myself to do it. I guess I was also worried that he would still act differently towards me if I told him I didn't like his wife as a doctor, and I'd probably have a hard time trusting him again, especially during exams. What if he started being rough with me too? I don't want to have to deal with that anymore. I had made a couple appointments with him, and then chickened out and cancelled them for fear that he'd send his wife in to deal with me again. So, he later sent me a letter telling me that he was dropping me as a patient because of the cancelled appointments and "noncompliance". I think this was just a conveniant way for him to get rid of me, in the hopes that I would be unable to hold him liable for the damage to my bladder. I'd run into him a couple times after this when I worked in the hospital. He'd always be friendly and say "hi" to me, and I admit that the first time I saw him after getting that letter I was kind of unfriendly, just saying a quick "hi" with a nasty look on my face and then ignoring him while I went about my work. The whole thing just angers and upsets me. Now I don't have a gyn doctor who is familiar with my case and willing to handle it, and I really dread having to go to someone else and start the process all over again. I can't stand having to once again explain my medical history, dredging up all those painful memories I'd just as soon forget. I feel like if I have to give another thorough account of my medical history again to yet another new doctor, I'm going to go ape shit, attack the doctor and start chewing the buttons off his lab coat or something. So, I've been putting off finding another doctor. This appointment at the women's clinic is just for the regular gyn check that I'm long overdue for, as there's no way any of the practitioners there would be able to handle my gyn problems. When I spoke with the lady on the phone and rattled off the list of ailments I had, she had no idea what most of them where, so I know it'll be a rather exasperating appointment, but I also know it has to be done.
I just hope I won't be thrown in jail for trying to strangle the doctor with his/her own stethascope. *sigh*

I went and filled one of my perscriptions today, the one for breakthrough pain. I still don't get why this stuff costs $160, it's generic! I hope I can get some health insurance that covers these perscriptions. At least the methadone is cheap, it's about $60 for a month's supply (without insurance). I also got a new cane, it's got a neat camo type pattern on it and it's in Slytherin colors! But what I really want is a snake's head cane like the one Lucius Malfoy has.
When I have the money, I'm totally buying Lucius's pimp cane.

Okay, What the fuck! Does my body have to keep slowly falling apart on me? I was doing relatively fine lately with the nerve damage, bechet's syndrome, endo, VVS, epilepsy, etc. But my teeth have continued to get worse. They're essentially rotting out of my skull, yet I can't do a thing about it at this point as I do not have dental insurance or the money to see a dentist without it. I've called around town to different dentists/oral surgeons practically begging them to take me, but because I don't have insurance I'm a cash patient and would have to plop down a significant portion of the bill up front. I don't have that kind of money! I barely escaped being evicted the last couple of months. Ugh. Several of my teeth are practically shattered, leaving the insides and nerve endings exposed, which is very very painful. Especially when trying to eat anything. A while ago I was eating a bowl of cereal, and one of my teeth broke off at the gumline. It didn't hurt actually, so I guess the nerves must have been dead by then. But the last couple of weeks, the pain in my mouth has been horrible. My whole jaw aches, even the skin over the jaw bone burns at the slightest touch. The lymph node in the left side of my neck is swollen and painful, and I keep getting these fevers and skull splitting headaches, which is pretty unusual for me. My head is usually one of the few parts of me that doesn't hurt. What's worse, the pain gets worse if I lay back even a little to rest or get comfortable. As I've been unable to sleep laying down for a couple years, I just sleep reclining on my couch, but my head/jaw hurts worse when I do even that! I wonder if it's an abcessed tooth? I don't know, I've never had one. I just know it hurts like hell. Last week, the area near one of my many broken teeth started bleeding, like a lot. I hadn't eaten anything at the time to cause it to bleed like that, so I don't know why it happened. But I dosed off and came too a little while later, and there was blood EVERYWHERE. It was all over my face (I looked like the victim of some horrible accident), and there was a bunch of blood and blood clots in my mouth *yuck*. I was surprised at how it was just gushing blood for no apparent reason. It eventually stopped, but it was really strange. Also still bleeding from rear end and belly button. It's so common now I'm used to it. And if one more person/doctor/nurse suggests that it's IBS, I swear will punch them in the face. IBS my ass. *sigh* At least methadone is working quite well for pain level, though I've had to take more than normal with the additional tooth/jaw pain. God, I'd give anything to be able to get my teeth fixed, I've not been able to eat much at all lately, and I don't need to keep loosing all this weight. People are starting to notice, saying I'm getting too skinny again. Stupid body. *growl*

I finally finished a hexing project I had been meaning to do for a long time. It took a while for me to decide how to do it, but I'm pretty happy with how it turned out.

( something silly and cute )

So, this petz program I talked about has a camera function on it that allows you to take snapshots of your petz in the game. This leads to some hilarious in-game photography. For your perverted viewing pleasure, I present "The Petz Kama Sutra."

( Warning:R-rated )

About 10 years ago, I was in a computer software store in Roseville, California that was going out of buisness. They where liquidating all the software and other computer stuff in the store, so we had gone up there to see what games we could for a good bargain. I found a copy of "Monty Python's The Meaning of Life" computer game, (which is great fun, you'll laugh so hard you'll soil yourself) but I also had grabbed "Dogz 2, Your Virtual Pets" as I thought it looked cute. I'm going to admit right now that it was very fun and cute, and I've enjoyed the petz PC games ever since. Those cute little balls of fluff are just so much fun to watch, one couldn't help but smile and laugh at their antics as they run around the desktop making cute puppy dog noises, trying to get your attention, following the cursor around, playing or fighting with each other, digging holes in the screen, etc. With the first two petz games, one was pretty limited in what they could do. As PF Magic developed later versions however, more and more was added. Starting with petz 3, you could breed the petz together and have litters. Starting with the very first petz games, people started to figure out that you could hex-edit, or alter the breed files in the game to make them look different. So one could make new breeds and post them on the web for others to download. I don't think PF Magic had planned on an entire online community growing out of the ability to hex aditional breeds and petz, entering petz in shows, or putting bred or hexed petz up for others to adopt, but it's these things that have kept the petz games alive for the last 10 years, even now that it's been about 5 years since the last petz PC game (petz 5) was released. If not for the ability to hex-edit the pet files, these games would never have sold as well, and I doubt so many versions would have been made. Wikipedia now has an interesting little entry for the petz games here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Petz

( see some cute n' fuzzy shtuff )

As many members of my species do (females), I enjoy going into those shops in the malls that sale lotions, sprays, perfumes, soaps, bubble baths, etc. It's always nice to find a good smelling bottle of lotion or body spray I can pamper myself with a bit. Well, I recently was in a Bath & Body Works inside the local Park mall here in Tucson, and I found this great smelling line of products called "Sensual Amber". Not only does it just plain smell good, but when I took a first sniff of the sampler, I was immediatly reminded of the incredibly sexy Severus Snape for some reason. It just struck me as something he would smell like. Of course, I bought a bottle of the lotion. Who wouldn't want some "Sensual Snape"? *growl* Yummmmm....

Oof, I've been really neglecting my LJ. Yep, I'm lazy.
Well, the old obnoxious neighbors moved out, only to be replaced by some even more obnoxious ones. Ugh. At first it was just this young women moving in, she seemed nice enough. Then a boyfriend/husband/whatever came on scene, and with him came the regular screaming and shouting. These people are constantly fighting. What's worse is, they have kids. Little ones. One looks to be about 3, the other about 5. You should hear the way they talk to these kids too. What kind of person tells their 3 year old to "shut the fuck up!" or "I'm gonna beat your fucking ass!" every day? This guy she's got living with her isn't much better. The guy's on parole for something, apparently a drug charge, though I'm sure there's something else there. When I'm in charge, people like this will not be allowed to have children, as they are obviously unfit to care for another life. Children don't deserve that kind of life. I hope this guy ends up back in prison. The US marshals where over there a few weeks ago, and I was expecting them to leave dragging that asshole in handcuffs with them, but nope. They where in there for like 45 minutes, and then they left without any arrests being made apparently. What's really bad is that they're buddies with the other people who live around here. Ugh. Hopefully they'll be evicted soon. Why can't I have decent, polite neighbors for once? Ones who don't scream at the top of their lungs all the time, or blast the same crappy songs over and over and over again. Is a little peace and quiet too much to ask for? Sheesh.

Uggghh. I hate my body sometimes. I just made the mistake of attempting to sleep laying down, which I've not done for about a year as it makes my pain worse for some reason. I was able to stay asleep for about 3 hours before the pain became so intense it woke me up. I really should have known better, it's just that the bed looked so comfy and inviting I wanted to try laying down to sleep again. *sigh* Well, at least my break-through pain meds are starting to work.

Well, I saw my anesthesiologist the other day. My pain levels have been pretty stable lately thanks to him, and I've not had any seizures. I talked to him about how I was seriously considering going ahead with a vestibulectomy which would cure or at least greatly reduce my VVS. He supports the idea, it's just a matter of finding the right doctor to do it. There's the possibility that this surgery could just end up making me worse, but at this point, I'm willing to take that chance. There are, however, still a few things left for me to try before I have anything too radical done. I need to at least rule out PNE, pudendal nerve entrapment. They have trigger point injections and pudendal nerve decompression surgery that would hopefully get rid of the stabbing pains I have several times a day, particularly after sitting. There's also a relativly new therapy of injecting Interferon directly into the painful area. From what I hear, it's been getting pretty good results. I've also found a physical therapy center here that specializes in internal massages for these kinds of problems. I've been avoiding giving this a try as it sounds like it's going to be really painfull, but I guess making an appointment with them should be my next step. These are the last few things I have yet to try before going under the knife as everything else has failed. Even Amitriptyline, Neurontin, Tegratol, etc have not done anything for me. If I can just get rid of this VVS pain, it'd be so much easier to deal with the internal nerve pain. *sigh* I really am lucky to have such an awesome pain doctor, I can't even imagine what life would be like without him. Most doctors are either ignorant or don't want to treat intractible pain. We need more doctors like him out there.